Google is on to me

Posted on March 8, 2011 by Action Potential

So I saw this picture earlier today on gabifresh’s tumblr:

And then I cracked up for like 5 minutes. I would watch the hell out of that movie.

So then I checked to see if this was a real google instant search result, and discovered that what you get on the Metropolis Med campus is depressingly different: mostly just “what would happen if you had no [insert organ here]” (There were like 20 of them).

So then I tried simply “What would happen if”, because that HAS to be less medically oriented, right?

I just.. I don’t even know, guys. This is a location thing, right? What would happen if the homeostatic mechanism failed? Is this something google considers specific to our dorm? (I’m looking at you, Metropolis M2s reading this blog. Also: 25 bottles of nyquil? Just curious.)

If it’s not a location algorithm, that must mean it’s user-specific and google is basically saying “We all know this girl doesn’t search for anything fun anymore. Frankly, we’re done even offering her the option.”

But I don’t like that possibility, so now I’m curious: If you do a google instant search for “what would happen if”, are your instant results as ridiculous as ours?

35 thoughts on “Google is on to me”

College Campus on March 8, 2011 at 03:35 said:

I’m at a college campus with an associated medical school across town. I get this:

What would happen if…

water was nonpolar
the ozone layer vanished
we didn’t sweat
there was no moon

I do have the same first result of you 🙂

Reply ↓
- Old MD Girl on March 8, 2011 at 12:07 said:
  
  Mine was like this one. I think this means we’re normal.
  
  Reply ↓
  - Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 12:34 said:
    
    I love “what would happen if water was nonpolar”.
    
    Also, there seems to be a lot of interest in getting rid of the moon. Strange world.
    
    Reply ↓
Nontrad on March 8, 2011 at 04:09 said:

I got two of those results, in addition to “what would happen if the sun went out.” For another fun exercise, try “How to” followed by each letter in the alphabet one at a time. Personal favorite: “how to yodel”

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 12:33 said:
  
  See, that’s the kind of awesome search I’m talking about. I want more “What would happen if the sun went out”s and fewer “What would happen if the homeostatic mechanism failed”s.
  
  Reply ↓
Anonymous on March 8, 2011 at 04:50 said:

I got the same results…. in addition to… “what would happen if i ate myself”
o_o
…..
……..

my google searches aren’t THAT weird, i swear =(

though it’s worth mentioning that i’m also a med student so maybe they know by now the things i search for…

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 12:31 said:
  
  … This makes my day. Hahaha, that kills me.
  
  Reply ↓
SeaSideRobin on March 8, 2011 at 05:55 said:

I got the same; “what would happen if…” gave “the sun died”, “there was no moon” and “d-day failed”.

Oddly enough the private investigator question was first in the list when I typed in “what would happen if you h…”

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 12:30 said:
  
  First on the list?? That’s awesome. You, or the people around you, clearly lead a more interesting life than I do. 🙂
  
  Reply ↓
Annie on March 8, 2011 at 07:42 said:

Mine were all bio/natural geo?

“What would happen if Taupo erupted?”
“What would happen if there were no flies?”
“What would happen if there was no carbon cycle?”

Reply ↓
- Annie on March 8, 2011 at 07:44 said:
  
  Actually, none of mine are medical, despite my frequent medical-googling!
  
  My “what would happen if you”s: travelled at the speed of light, touched lava, smoked catnip (!?), dropped a pen on the moon. Okay.
  
  Reply ↓
  - Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 12:30 said:
    
    Hahaha, that’s awesome. I like “touched lava”. (Um, BAD THINGS! That’s what!)
    
    Reply ↓
You're Blinking! on March 8, 2011 at 09:46 said:

I got “What would happen if Helios came down to Hades”, “What would happen if Hydrochloric Acid came into contact with Magnesium” and “What would happen if Taupo erupted”.

I thought it was done on keywords you had searched previously and location? Although I’m not sure why people would be searching to see what would happen if a lake erupts.

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 12:29 said:
  
  Greek mythology? Duuude. Those are some high-brow searches!
  
  I don’t know, google won’t give away their algorithm – but I’m sure you’re right.
  
  Maybe those people know something we don’t…
  
  Reply ↓
Not House on March 8, 2011 at 18:14 said:

I got the exact same list as SeaSideRobin. Odd.

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 21:28 said:
  
  Secret twins.
  
  Reply ↓
NotJustAMedStudent on March 8, 2011 at 19:13 said:

My results:
what would happen if the ozone layer vanished
what would happen if there was no moon
what would happen if an asteroid hit earth
what would happen if yellowstone erupted
what would happen if the homeostatic mechanism failed
what would happen if a girl took viagra

First five aren’t that strange considering that I’m a med student and my brother is a space engineer. But the last one? I can’t seem to understand x)

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 8, 2011 at 21:28 said:
  
  Hahaha… oh man!
  
  Reply ↓
- Dan L on March 9, 2011 at 00:18 said:
  
  yeah I got the same girl taking viagra result as well …
  
  Reply ↓
albinoblackbear on March 8, 2011 at 21:41 said:

I guess this is a case of location location location (and recession??)
Thanks for the hilariously awesome post and procrastination activity.

My results:
what would happen if Ireland defaults
what would happen if Ireland left the Euro
what would happen if the Euro collapses
what would happen if you poured
what would happen if the Euro fails
what would happen if you drank blood
what would happen if a man took birth control
what would happen if the sun went out
what would happen if you drank bleach

Wow. Yikes! Either I am actually a (closet) suicidal/homicidal economist or that list had nothing to do with any of my previous searches.

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 9, 2011 at 03:28 said:
  
  Oh my god – that’s a hell of a recession!
  
  I like that in the US, we seem to be concerned with the idea of women taking viagra, while you guys have the men + birth control ideas covered.
  
  Reply ↓
  - MedicalRose on March 13, 2011 at 12:12 said:
    
    also got “if a man took birth control” but this is in South Africa. yikes.
    
    Reply ↓
legalalien on March 8, 2011 at 22:30 said:

As well as the seemingly obligatory “no moon” one, I also seem to be interested in what would happen if’yellowstone errupted’, ‘an asteroid hit Earth’, and most interesting of all:
What would happen if you had no bones.
That’s a film I would watch (in fact have watched if family guy counts.

Reply ↓
Nathan on March 8, 2011 at 23:58 said:

I think it’s a college/university thing. I’ll try it out when I go home this weekend, but I got:
What would happen if the ozone layer disappeared?
What would happen if there was no friction?
What would happen if the sun stood still?
What would happen if there was no moon?
and my school is mostly engineers and pre-med.

Reply ↓
Metropolis M2 on March 9, 2011 at 02:36 said:

I got private investigators and:
What would happen if you hit superman with a lightsaber?

Reply ↓
- Action Potential on March 9, 2011 at 03:23 said:
  
  I… don’t think it’s possible to come up with a more awesome result. I’m proud that it happened to one of us.
  
  Reply ↓
- munchkn on March 9, 2011 at 13:49 said:
  
  Wow, I’d actually like to know the answer to this!
  
  Reply ↓
munchkn on March 9, 2011 at 13:48 said:

What would happen if:
-the ozone layer vanished
-there was no moon
-the earth stopped rotating
-the sun went out
My first result was also about Nyquil!

What would happen if you:
-ate poop
-drank bleach
-smoked catnip
-drank rubbing alcohol

People ask the strangest questions…

Reply ↓
Pissed Off Patient on March 9, 2011 at 14:51 said:

I got the 25 bottles of Nyquil thing (must be wannabe meth manufacturers, which is not me so Google FAIL).

Then I got (random) stuff like …

What would happen if you fired a gun on a train
What would happen if a Vulcan studied to be a Jedi
What would happen if Congress rewrote the mortgage interest tax deduction

The only thing that is related to my search history is the mortgage interest thing which I was reading about last year.

Shocked there were no medical results in the search.

M

Reply ↓
M. on March 9, 2011 at 14:52 said:

I got: “What would happen if a guy took birth control?” as my top search, along with “What would happen if apophis hit earth?” and “What would happen if the ozone layer vanished?”

Strange…

Reply ↓
Shaundra on March 12, 2011 at 16:12 said:

My favorite:
What would happen if I ate myself.

I’m too afraid to click on it, because I’m pretty sure it’s porn.

Reply ↓
Pingback: It’s not like I should be studying or anything… | Guide To MedSchool
Kelly on March 14, 2011 at 16:57 said:

I got similar results but also: What would happen if I ate a teaspoonful of white dwarf star? and: What would happen if the cell membrane became impermeable? Not an astrophysicist or biologist, most of my searches are pretty mundane.

Reply ↓
WarmSocks on March 15, 2011 at 22:30 said:

…ozone
…no moon
…photosynthesis stopped
…a meteor hit the earth

Bing was better:
…ran over a ninja
…shot a gun in space
…smoke catnip
…divided by zero
…ate weed
…drank bleach
…drank chlorox
…esophagus burst

Reply ↓
Meghan on July 23, 2011 at 16:22 said:

… the earth stopped spinning
… the government shut down
… yellowstone erupted
… a girl took viagra

Reply ↓