(Alternate title: The nurses are correct when they think we’re hopeless idiots.)
Me: Any questions on Bed 18? Great, let’s move on to Bed 19…
Me: Hold on.
Pager: Bed 32 is nauseous. Can she have Zofran order before I give her her scheduled meds please?
Me: Um… hold on… we haven’t gotten to this patient yet and she really needs to not vomit her morning meds. *types in order for Zofran* Okay, back to Bed 19 – he’s here for dehydration but mom is refusing an IV. Discuss.
10 minutes later
Pager: Thank you for the Zofran order, but Bed 32 has never had an IV. Can you write it for oral?
Day resident: UGH. Okay, hold on – let me fix this. *types oral Zofran order* Where were we? Bed 25?
Me: Right. Okay, back to bed 25… gonna need dialysis as an outpatient, gotta figure out how to coordinate the gentamicin with the dialysis. Do we need to write an order? Or does nephro do it? We have to figure this out by 10am or the hospital will get dinged.
Cross-cover Resident: Um, also I just got paged that Bed 42 is vomiting blood.
Pager: THANK YOU FOR THE ZOSYN ORDER BUT SHE NEEDS ZOFRAN. AWAITING NEW ORDER, THANKS.
Day Resident :…
Me: Can we just like, outlaw pages during sign-out?
Day Resident: Can we ignore it and hope she doesn’t call a safety event on us?
Cross-cover Resident: Let’s smash the pager with a hammer and go home.