5 Vignettes From My First Intern Clinic

1. Clinic: A Short Play In One Act

Scene: Clinic. Afternoon. 

Kid: Mom, why am I even taking ObscurePsychDrug?

Mom: Honey, you’re not taking ObscurePsychDrug. You’re taking CommonADHDMed. They’re completely different pills.

Me: Very true! You’re taking CommonADHDMed.

Kid: Oh. … so… ObscurePsychDrug ISN’T for ADHD?

Mom: No. It’s for… er… Oh! – the DOCTOR can explain to you what ObscurePsychDrug is for!

Me: *mild panic*

Mom: See, that’s the wonderful thing about visiting a doctor – they can explain all sorts of questions! Even about drugs you don’t take!


holy shit

Computer: *persistently refuses to allow me to google ObscurePsychDrug*

Computer: *continues to be terrible*

Mom: Okay, son, the doctor is going to explain ObscurePsychDrug to you, so STOP FIDGETING and listen. very. carefully.

*Mom attentively adjusts chair, stares at me in happy expectation*

Me: *prays to the Pediatric God that I’ll be urgently paged to another room*

The Pediatric God: *is not a kind God*


Me:i actually don't know what i'm talking about right now

2. My preceptor says I’m “functioning at the level of a January intern” instead of a “July intern”.

(… Is that the best half-compliment I’ve ever received, or is it pathetic and sad?)

there would be no way of knowing

3. Who the hell decided that Epic doesn’t need a “are you sure?” button to permanently sign a note?

I intended to PEND the note. I pend EVERY note before going to the physical exam. I now have a horrible, innacurate note that’s now forever in the system with an apologetic, all-caps, “I’m a stupid intern” addendum. Goddamn it, Epic.

when you make a mistake

4. The nurses like me. That’s something, right?

5. Oh god. I’m a fraud. Don’t ever visit a hospital in July, don’t visit a clinic in July, don’t step outside in July, just draw your shades and lock your doors and stay in bed and pray until this all blows over.



One thought on “5 Vignettes From My First Intern Clinic

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s