Moving On After Graduation (or: The Existential Terror Of The Void)

Before the ceremony, we were all supposed to line up in alphabetical order. But when our Dean called out our names in said order to make sure we all knew how to alphabet (spoiler alert: NOPE), I suddenly knew that she’d skip right over me. And that she’d then pause and look at me all concerned and say, “Oh, hey… you’re not on my list…” and then everyone would know I was a terrible, terrible fraud.

i think it's a mistake

But she actually did read my name: both before the ceremony and (arguably more importantly) during it.

So I guess I’m a doctor now!

I probably need to stop finding this hilarious.

Anyway, in other news, I’m moving to Midwest Metropolis! On Tuesday! And I will be super excited about it just as soon as I’m assured that I won’t be living in a cardboard box.

(Not really joking. I legitimately will be living out of my rental car / cheap motels until I manage to sign a lease – and the rental car is expensive, so…)

excuse me i am homeless

This move entails:

  1. Packing up everything I own.
  2. Realizing I own way too much stuff to fit in a rental van.
  3. Giving away half of my stuff.
  4. Hoping that everything else fits, miraculously, into said rental van.
  5. Driving 7 hours to Midwest Metropolis.
  6. Charming some landlord into giving me a lease ASAP so I can turn in my rental van and stop paying $150 a day for it jesus christ that’s a lot of money

So far, I’ve gotten as far as Step #4: I’ve rented the van. I’ve packed my stuff. I’m ready and waiting.

I even looked up Craigslist apartment listings! I found one within walking distance of the hospital where a female grad student was looking for a “clean, mature, responsible female grad student or young professional”, and I was like “THAT’S ME. YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ME. HELLO, FUTURE BEST FRIEND.” and sent her a calmer, more subdued, casually disinterested version of that.

But it’s been 10 minutes and she hasn’t replied with an immediate offer so maybe I should diversify my options a little.

And finish packing.

And relearn all of pediatrics before someone accidentally expects me to know something useful.

And say goodbye to everyone in this town I’ve ever loved.

sobbing amidst packed boxes


8 thoughts on “Moving On After Graduation (or: The Existential Terror Of The Void)

  1. I have to tell you that your post sent me into an almost straight-out panic attack. Oooh yeah.
    Because bar for the fact that I’m in a completely different country, this is going to be me in six months’ time. Unless, of course, the dean DOES skip my name. o.O

  2. hey there! ive followed your blog for a while, and i was just wondering if midwest metropolis is cleveland? I live here, and i assumed, you know, since the clinic is one of the top 5 hospitals in the country, you followed it on twitter a few months ago, you’re going into something super specialized (which seems to be the clinic’s m.o.) and you’re going to the midwest…theres a good chance its cleveland. if it is, please feel free to contact me and I would love to meet up/show you around town a bit, or at least give you some tips. ive lived here all my life. if its not cleveland, good luck with everything!

    • my email is yochana8 at the three letter common email that starts with an ‘A’. trying to avoid spam 😀

  3. Do you get an alert when new comments are made? Because this isn’t the newest post, but I started reading your blog before I considered the possibility of medical school and now, a separate career, a post-bacc (my plan was to fail out!), and 4 years later… I’m graduating medical school in a few months. Probably. Right now I’m waiting on the match to tell me exactly how far I will be moving (max distance: almost 4,000 miles from the place where I have spent my entire adult life) and wow, yeah, this is a little bit scary. Just wanted to comment, because I feel like your blog had accompanied me on this whole med school journey, and because it seems weirder to @ you on twitter.

    • Hey, I do and I’m really glad to hear that my blog meant something to someone. That was the goal, and honestly it means a lot to me to know someone got something out of it. So glad you made it through med school! I know that med school means so much more when you came at it somewhat unexpectedly. And honestly, med school is this whole crazy intense summer camp kind of experience that sort of leaves a hole when it’s gone, so match day and the end of 4th year can just be… weird

      I would still be updating this blog if I knew a way to balance deanonymizing my patients with telling some kind of literary truth, but it turns out I don’t actually know how to do that. It’s weird; the further I get in medicine, the more I care about honesty. I think it’s an imposter syndrome side-effect / coping technique – if I’m going to get sued for anything, I want it to be for very legit incompetence rather than dishonesty or trying to hide / obscure stories in my blog. And I don’t want to tell people any stories that aren’t completely true.

      I hope you matched, and best wishes! Honestly, residency is even more summer campy (in a good way) than med school. It’s like the last big adventure where you have friends by your side. I hope you have fun!

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