1. Denial. “WHOO! I MATCHED – I’M DONE!”
The charming belief that because your CV, LORs, proof-of-identity, proof-of-USMLE scores, and photo were all uploaded into ERAS, your hospital employment will not make you find / beg for copies in order to upload them for its own pre-employment files.
Lasts up to 1 month.
2. Anger. “But they already HAVE all this stuff. It was all in ERAS.”
Yes, your residency program has your USMLE scores – but the hospital itself requires an official copy! Let’s hope you saved each individual score report, because the NBME ain’t Santa Claus – they want $75 per each “official transcript”.
Lasts up to ‘lingering resentment for the rest of your professional life’.
3. Bargaining. “Whatever, they won’t read it.”
They already hired you, didn’t they? The contract is signed. So you can probably get away with uploading screenshots for your USMLE scores, the draft of your Dean’s letter as a LOR, and your 3-years-out-of-date CV. There, you’ve helped your hospital check off some stupid boxes. Moving on.
4. Depression. “$300 to apply for a State Board of Medicine Training License? First and last month’s rent? No paycheck until July 31st?“
5. Acceptance. “Okay, private loans exist.”
Lasts until you discover that US law requires a 30-day “cooling off period” once you apply for one of these loans (to give you time to reconsider), so you aren’t getting your monopoly money anytime soon.
But hey – that’s okay, because you still have 3 weeks after you get your loan from when you need to move! Plenty of time to pack, buy a car, search for apartments, and – wait, hold on, check the calendar – oh god…
… is poorly timed. You’ll have to stay in your current city so your proud relatives have somewhere to crash before they watch you walk across a crowded stage.
(Hope you remembered to order your comically colored robe and floppy hat! $800 to buy. You did remember to order them, right…?)
Okay, now you have 1 week to get your life in order before you need to move.
[Presumably. I am not sure exactly what happens here but I am confident it involves a good story.]