Things I Learned From Hand Clinic

1.  Don’t punch cars.

2.  Don’t punch trees.

3.  Don’t punch walls.  You’ll still be just as angry as you were before, except now you’ll have a hole in the wall, your hand, and your wallet.

4.  No, seriously, don’t punch trees.  It does not care that it’s in your way.  It’s not moving.

5.  Don’t punch faces.  And if you absolutely must, at least don’t punch them with your own fragile hand.

… The “stop hitting yourself” game is probably still fair play, though.

5.  Don’t joke about punching your wife.  At this point in the day, no one will find it very funny.

6.  Especially not your wife.  

7.  Married hand surgeons don’t wear rings.  Even when they’re not working.  The general consensus among them seems to be “hand injury + ring = congratulations, you no longer have a ring finger.”

(Though a more cynical person might come up for some alternate explanations for that one – possibly ending with the phrase “congratulations, you no longer have a wife.“)