The best part of being a 3rd year med student is that you know all the arcane trivial diseases the residents have forgotten. So I’ve been able to make 2 really cool diagnoses, answer a handful of obscure mechanism-of-action questions correctly, and look like a complete idiot the rest of the time.
I fully expect this to become a recurring feature.
The 5 Dumbest Things I’ve Said This Month
5. Resident: So, we could order a head CT, but we know she hasn’t had a stroke or a brain bleed, so what could we possibly see from that?
Me: Parasites!
Resident: …
4. Resident: Wait, why did the patient need a mitral valve replacement?
Me: Because… the patient had… *surreptitiously checks chart* a St. Jude valve.
3. Me: Wow, this is going to be a slow day, huh?
2. Me: On assessment, I’m most concerned with the patient’s morning blood pressure, which was 65 / 71. … wait. Hold on. No.
1. Me: Just in case, shouldn’t we get a stool guiaiac test?.
Action Potential 
I still inadvertently say “this is going to be a slow day” at least every second slowish seeming morning/night. I am just about done clerkship. Clearly, I have no learning curve. I need to stop saying that before internship. Because, as you know, for whatever magical universal reason, 9/10 times those works come out of your mouth, all heck breaks loose.
# 3 is ABSOLUTELY the WORST thing you can EVER say in medicine.
True Dat!
One of my instructors said: “If you don’t feel stupid at least once a day, you’re not trying hard enough.”
Also, yes, never say number 3. Also avoid the “Q-word” (Quiet).
+1 To Grumpy – that’s asking for the karma gods to sweep down mercilessly on you. In that same vein, never EVER dictate a discharge summary before the patients is physically out of the building, because if not, it is a guarantee they will have some complication that requires them to 1) Stay in the hospital and 2) Makes your summary obsolete.
But I hate slow/ quiet days. Unless I’m hoping to catch a nap sometime. Which is often.
Anywho, this is awesome and funny.
A while ago I was assisting in surgery and when I had to snip the suture material, it just wouldn’t cut. Until the doctor pointed out that I was missing the sutures completely.
I’m going to consider it an accomplishment that I understood (and laughed at) 3/5 of these. And yes, my 1st-year noob-ness prevents me from getting why the answer isn’t parasites. LOVE your blog 😀
This makes me feel a little better. I am in my 4th year of vet school and so on rotations. In a horse surgery the other day, I broke sterility no less than 6 times. That night, I swear I heard “go change your gloves” in my sleep.
When I first started at the hospital, i walked by a nursing pod, noticed them reading and said, “Wow, you guys are slow today” as I picked up a chart. The nurse literally hit me…then about 20 minutes later, one of their patient’s coded. So, I guess I deserved it.
I apologize for my bad grammar in the above comment.