A couple of things

1.  Sometimes people are the absolute best.

I just.. hold on.

Allergies. I just... allergies. I'M ALLERGIC TO LOVE.

2.  Sometimes I come up with multi-million dollar marketing plans in the shower.

Remember when you used to be able to just use face wash?  But now “facial care” is a 3 step process:  1. Exfoliate, 2. Clean, 3.  Moisturize.  You need 3 products.  (We’ll ignore the fact that I’m pretty sure Dermatology has taught me that exfoliating is a gigantic waste of time, money, and protective layer of stratum corneum cells.)

(Oh, also, I totally have my Dermatology test in 2 hours.  You can tell it’s real important to me.)

We could do the same thing for the haircare industry – increase profits by 33%.  After all, does anyone only buy shampoo, or only buy conditioner?  No.  We need a 3rd product everyone has to buy. (And by “we”, I mean “the haircare industry, if I was involved and got a payday out of this”.)

My ad campaign.

The Commercial:  “If you’re only using Shampoo and Conditioner, you’re missing out on a crucial 3rd step.  Take a look at any shower in France, and you’ll find a 3rd product – Pre-Conditioner.”

The actual name of the product isn’t important.  It just has to have a vaguely plausible sounding scientific gimmick like “providing a surface for conditioner to fully enter the hair shaft – because without it, conditioner only sticks to the outside and is mostly rinsed away!”  (Since 90% of the scientific stuff in hair commercials is made-up, this should be legally ok.)

If I were in charge of this ad campaign, I’d pin this “secret” on the French, because – at least in America – we seem to be willing to believe anything about the French, including that they’re all skinny and effortless.  Perfect hair goes with the territory.

If the hair-care industry successfully plant the seed of doubt in people’s mind that shampoo and conditioner are not enough, they could get $6 out of most of the women in the USA, and probably half of the men.  Millions of dollars.

No, I don’t know how tongue-in-cheek this idea is.  I hope you don’t either.  

10 thoughts on “A couple of things

  1. I came up with the made up problem of “night smell” which — if you have it — is guaranteed to drive your man into the arms of an odor free woman. It’s like a deodorant that you put on before you go to bed that keeps you feeling fresh and clean through your morning shower.

    (A friend of mine asked me recently what she should do about her skin — she was using something like 10 different products!! I told her to use less product. She didn’t like that advice. The ad people have clearly won.)

    PS — Your pre-conditioner idea is brilliant.

  2. I have the “shampoo+conditioner+body wash+facewash” all-in-one bottle. Thank youuuuu, Old Spice.

    Also, #1 definitely made my day. Thanks, AP!

    • The dead skin cells which the exfoliant is supposed to remove serve a purpose: they protect your skin. There’s a reason your body holds onto them- without them you’re actually more prone to acne and degenerative aging changes from uv light.

      • So basically what the lotion is supposed to do, should actually be done by stratum corneum? Wow, yeah the cosmetic industry has us duped. Wish you’d told me this before I bought some exfoliating face wash and a moisturizer packed with vitamins that promised to give me radiant skin.Yep, the darn marketing suckered me in.

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