The Science of Babies

Tonight’s Netflix suggestion:  “The Science of Babies”!

6:50pm:  Fantastic. I had no idea this existed. With a title like “The Science of Babies”, I expect a 3 year neonatalogy fellowship condensed down to 30 minutes. Do not disappoint me, Netflix.

6:51  WILL SOMEONE PLEASE PICK UP THIS POOR CHILD.

"Babies: They come into this world alone."

6:55:  … No?  No one?  We’re still narrating things over a lonely baby?

Correction!  A lonely, CRYING baby.

7:00:  “A human will likely take over 6 million breaths in a lifetime.  But the first is by far the most difficult – AND DANGEROUS.”  Shit is getting real.

7:05:  “Two thirds of baby deaths occur in the first month – a rate not equaled again until the 7th decade of life.”  Poor babies!

7:07:  “A newborn’s vision is cloudy, and therefore limited to about 12 inches.”  POOR BABIES.

7:10:  “Babies know intuitively to hold their breath under water.”  Poor ba- wait, what?

And then there was a bunch of stuff about neurons and synaptogenesis and synaptic pruning, which is all well and good, except facebook.  (Don’t worry, I periodically checked back into the Netflix tab to see if anyone ever picked up the crying theater baby.)

7:30:  (They didn’t.)

I don’t think I got a neonatology fellowship out of this, so in that sense, the documentary was a disappointment.  However, a counterpoint:

Vowels!

… I think the counterpoint wins.