Someone just posted a great, yet heart-breaking comment in response to a post I wrote on another site about my anxiety – and I need to address it.
I have had “becoming a great physician” at the top of my life goals for about 4 years now. I have also been struggling with finding myself to be ‘mentally interesting.’ These mental quirks as they were have, however, really tried throttle my medical school ambitions. I am terrified of talking to a physician about my problems.
Dear commentor: I’ve been there. I felt incredibly alone. The feeling of “oh god, but I’m a future physician – I’m not allowed to have a psych problem” was worse than my panic disorder itself, because I had no role models – no physicians, no med students who knew how I felt. I had nobody to look to for help.
So as much as I dread the idea of airing what was a pretty dark time in my life in a public forum, I have to write this. I may not be the best med-student-with-a-psych-history in the world, but I’m one of the few with a blog. So, hell – here I am.
“I have “toughed it out” as it were for years now, mostly since I started college. I am afraid I can’t do it any longer. I feel like a failure for even thinking about getting “help.” You managed to get into medical school before finding what worked for you. Does this mean I am just not up for it?”
First, I’ve given you the wrong impression by not talking about this. I absolutely should have gotten help in undergrad. In fact, I tried – I actually called my University’s mental health service after a horrible panic attack. And I made an appointment.
But I never showed up. I never showed up, because I was having a panic attack about seeking treatment for my panic attacks.
… So, no, I wasn’t the best at logic. But hey, I was the best at organic chemistry! And physics! And studying alone for hours!
But I was also the best at denial. The fact that I rarely wanted to hang out with friends? That just means I’m introverted. It’s totally normal for introverts to be too nervous to go out. And the fact that I’d break down crying at the worst moments, over the smallest perceived slight? Genetic. I’m just a crier. Sucks, but it’s how I am.
Neither of those rationalizations was true. And I had absolutely no idea. I knew I had panic attacks, but I had no idea that there was anything else wrong. No idea until a psychiatrist asked me to examine my life, no idea until 10mg of Lexapro lifted 100 lbs of unhappiness off my back.
“I really want to go to medical school, but my thoughts are “How can you possibly survive medical school when you have these anxiety problems NOW?”
Here’s the thing: No matter who you are, med school forces you to confront your anxiety.
I know an extremely competent, high-achieving med student who has been in 4-times-a-week psychotherapy for the past 12 years. You’d never guess it. Some of the most socially outgoing and fun people at my school see psychiatrists. And a couple of the most outrageously anxious people I know have never set foot in a therapist’s office.
But you don’t have to wait until you’re overwhelmed. Sure, I waited until med school – but I also wasted a lot of time in undergrad locked in my room or crying in a corner. You can survive by seeking help, doing the work, confronting your anxiety now. I promise, you wouldn’t be alone.
So there’s no rule, no pattern to “who can handle it and who can’t”. In the end, the only important thing is this: are you willing to learn how to handle the anxiety? Therapy can teach you. It won’t happen overnight, and it’ll take work. But it can happen.
Just know this: There’s no First Place Award for “toughing it out”. There’s no medal, no praise, nothing you get to add to your CV for being 100%-certified Therapy-Free.
And that’s why you should seek help. Life can be so much easier. When you’re anxious or depressed, you don’t even know how hard life is for you – and it doesn’t have to be that way.
Bravo. Wonderful post.
This is amazing to read.
Great post. Thanks for talking about this- it’s something that is not often talked about, especially in med school. I’ve had ADHD since I was 9 and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder senior yr of college when my best friend killed himself and I was forced into therapy by my parents and friends after I stopped eating and missed class etc. It’s probably something I’ve had my whole life but this kind of exacerbated things to the point I couldn’t deal. I’m still probably one of the more anxious people I know but I have a great support system- that plus lexapro make all the difference.
Great post. It is so important that people in medicine (at every stage) talk about this so that people don’t have to suffer through it alone and without treatment. I’ve been shocked going through medicine to learn how many med students/residents/attendings have struggled with psychiatric issues, including depression, anxiety, suicide, and eating disorders. I personally went through a bad depression early in med school, which I wrote about recently on my blog (http://solitarydiner.blogspot.com/2011/10/long-dark-tea-time-of-soul.html), and getting help was the best thing I could’ve possibly done. Thanks for writing this.
(And hope you don’t mind the shameless plug. I’ll post a link to your post on my blog tomorrow, because I think it’s so important to talk about this.)
I am the person you are replying to and I really, truly have to thank you for writing all this.I admit to being very taken me aback by how similar your situation in undergrad sounds to the situation I find myself in currently. I have realized by reading your post that I shroud myself in terms like “introverted” and “private” in order to stave off anything that might make that a symptom rather than a choice. You’re right, though. It’s isn’t normal what I’m doing. If I really, truly think about it, I don’t want to be alone in my room everyday. I don’t want to be this sad, scared person anymore. But it’s so hard to stop being like this.
I tried a year ago to get help. I made an appointment with the campus therapist and I had talked myself into even showing up. I thought I had really made a powerful step forward. However, due to an emergency she couldn’t see me. It pushed me 10 steps back and I’ve been too scared to try again.
You give me so much hope that I can also find help and that medical school isn’t an impossibility for someone like me. I haven’t felt this optimistic about medical school in a long time. “Thank you” isn’t sufficient to cover for all the things I feel right now due to your words. I’m going to contact the patient advocates on my campus tomorrow and see if they think they can help me.
You are such an inspiration to me.
I too suffer from depression (postpartum). It took two and a half years for me to seek help. Now I go to a psychologist, and the student health clinic for antidepressants. Please, don’t wait any longer. Go. I know it’s all sorts of difficult, but instead redirect the “tough it out” into getting you past the obstacles of getting help. Please don’t stop seeking a counselor now, it can help so much. And really consider the use of medication. At first I was really reluctant to take pills, even when I was already in counseling. But I finally agreed to it, it took a while to find a good medication, but together (medication + counseling) is so much better. Please go, and now that there is 15+ people in this comment thread that are rooting for you.
Well, here is an update of sorts. I saw a doctor today and was put on celexa. I also got put on a waiting list for a counselor. It was a panic-inducing experience talking about my issues but I actually feel optimistic. Thanks everyone for all the inspiration to work on my depression and anxiety problems rather than keeping “toughing it out.”
triple amen, sista.
As someone with a horrible anxiety problem and who is looking to go into medicine, I thank you so much for this post. I’ve been battling it alone. Insurance doesn’t cover any therapy for me so I had to do it all myself. Ironically, my biggest fear was my horrible medical phobia.
My neurologist recently (in May) gave me a script for a prn anti-anxiety medicine. He actually didn’t want to do it because I had been doing so well battling it on my own, but when I told him of a major panic attack I had during a mock interview, he relented. So now I have 30 pills for every 6 months. It has really helped just knowing I have it.
Been there, done that – for YEARS. I started with depression as a teen and it followed me through undergrad and grad school (I am much older and available meds then were not what they are now – MUCH more in the way of negative side effects back then and therapists urged me to tough it out if possible). I toughed it out into my 30’s when I finally found treatment that didn’t involve “sucking it up and putting one foot in front of the other”. Three years later, I was ready to be a mother – something I had been terrified of (after all, if I couldn’t deal with my own problems, how would I handle a child).
“Child” turned 20 a couple of days ago. When he became more independant and mobile I developed a generalizred anxiety disorder – quickly caught by my regular psychiatrist…new med added, problem controlled.
Over the years I have not widely publicised my psychiatric history, but every now and then I have a chance to say to a struggling student, “I used to be where you are now. Please talk to your doctor about treatment. It doesn’t mean you are failing in any way.” They have always responded, “YOU!” and taken hope from the fact that I made it through and have a great life.
Bravo to you for “coming out!” Honestly, as a patient I would rather deal with a doctor who isn’t afraid to be a human being and admit that they’ve had their problems–and anyone who has the guts, humility, and self-awareness to seek the help they need is pretty damned mentally healthy in my book.
What do you make of this study? http://jama.ama-assn.org/content/304/11/1181.abstract
Conclusions Depressed medical students more frequently endorsed several depression stigma attitudes than nondepressed students. Stigma perceptions also differed by sex and class year.
I’m not sure what to make of the above study. I don’t quite fit the requirements, as I’m not a medical student (though I hope to be one someday,) but I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation as an adolescent. I certainly believed (or feared to be true) many of the stigmatizations about depressed people. Now that I’m in a good place, I know they’re not true.
Thank you, Apotential.
I have been on anti-depressants for the past four months, but in truth I should have got help before my first year in med school. I had the same reasons for “toughing it out.”
Only now do I realise how impaired NOT seeking help made me.
Things are so much better now.
I know it’s different, but it is also the same.
Thank you for your super post.
I’m a final year medical student recovering from depression – it’s tough, no doubt about it, tougher than anything, I’d go as far to say – but you do learn from it. I hate it when people imply that I needed to learn empathy or whatever (they are never people who know me; people who know me are aware that I’ve spent every saturday for five years volunteering at a dementia day hospital, and volunteer for a student helpline), but it makes you aware of your strengths and reminds you that you WILL get through, eventually. Keep going, guys!
Wow… a fantastic post and a perfect reflection of the fact that no single one of us is perfect, even (especially?) the “perfectionists” among us.
I struggled with bulimia nervosa from 11th grade all the way through my 2nd year of residency. Almost 20 years of nearly constant binging & purging. Med school, grad school (yes, at one time I was an MD/PhD student, which fell by the wayside because of this disease), and my social life were basically ruled by my eating disorder.
I never saw anyone about my problems because I didn’t think anyone could do anything for me. Actually, that’s a lie. I was doing “just fine” (ie, I had good grades) so I didn’t think I needed any help.
But I was absolutely wrong. My bulimia led to several medical complications. It also led to the development of some other addictive behaviors that caused significant legal and financial problems in my life– problems that I’m still struggling to overcome.
I still don’t discuss many of the details, for professional and personal reasons. At one time it was because I carried a great deal of shame; I’ve since overcome that shame but I know that some others may still judge me on my past. Suffice it to say I’ve found some very supportive people who have helped me get my life and career back on track.
In the end, I’d advise anyone in my situation to try to overcome his or her shame, fear, and regret, and ask for help. You deserve it.
Thank you very much for sharing. This was a wonderful post!
The biggest barrier to not making it through medical school is not seeking help when you need it – whether due to academic, mental, psychiatric, or medical adversity. It is very easy to see everyone else around you as perfect, seemingly indestructible, while you are only aware of your own flaws.
At many institutions, this myth of invincibility is propagated even (especially) during events designed to break it down. I think OMDG wrote a post tangentially about it recently (http://oldmdgirl.blogspot.com/2011/10/failure-panel.html). We saw this happen at University Medical School during our first year when we had students discuss their “adversities” – and invariably, whether the subject was social, academic, or mental health adversity, each student-speaker minimized their struggles, maximized their successes, and left us feeling even more inadequate about our own issues.
Thank you for taking the time, and having the courage, to speak openly and passionately about your experience. The telling of your story will help others in ways you cannot imagine.
Thanks for sharing your story and addressing the stigma around mental health, especially among health care providers. How compassionate can we be when patients struggle with mental health issues, when we shame our own colleagues if they have the same issues?
Mental illness is like any other illness (e.g. diabetes, influenza, epilepsy). There are multi-factorial causes. And what matters is how the illness affects your ability to function. For example, I don’t care if my surgeon has diabetes. But I do care if s/he has uncontrolled blood sugars which can cause him/her to faint while operating on me. Similarly it doesn’t matter if someone has an Axis I disorder. It does matter if it affects their ability to function, if they have no insight, and if they cannot cope with it.
In the kevinmd post, you wrote “after all, who would ever want to see a physician who had struggled with anxiety? Who would ever want to talk to a psychiatrist who had experienced depression?” My immediate thought was, “I’d definitely want to talk to a psychiatrist (about depression) who has experienced depression!”. In my (very biased) opinion, I think that my struggles with mental illness have helped me be a better doctor. Also, having a mentor who generously shared his experiences with mental illness has helped me be a better doctor. Without these experiences, I don’t think I would be as interested or as confident in helping my patients with psych concerns. I can relate to my patients and share practical tips with them. Patients have told me “No one has ever listened to me like you have” or “You really get me” or “Doctor, you have changed my life”. Although I may have saved a limb with a good diagnosis, I don’t think I’ve ever changed anyone’s life by helping them with non-psych illnesses.
I guess what I’m trying to convey is that sure mental illness has its (many) challenges, but you don’t have to let it limit you. In fact, you can use it to your (and your patients’) advantage. Whatever doesn’t kill you really can make you stronger.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s a brave thing to use your experience to help others. You’re going to be a wonderful doctor.
I cannot tell you how much this means to me, or how it could not have come at a better time in my life. I have been battling depression and anxiety, both social and generalized, since at least middle school. My biggest problem, however, is that I cannot muster the self confidence, or possibly quash my vanity long enough, to believe either is severe enough to compel me to get help. I tell myself that I have been too successful for it to be a real problem, that I just want attention, that I can’t afford more than the free treatment offered by my university, that I’ve been getting better, that I would be fine if I just acted more mature. And on and on. Essentially, I perpetuate all the stereotypes I hate, directing them away from everyone else so that I can pin point them like a lazer on my own forehead. Reading this post has given me the push I need to talk to my parents about getting treatment now, before I enter med school or try to go off on one of the adventures I have planned for the year after my undergraduate study. I know that in many way I am doing better than I once was, but you all allow me to hope that life could be better still; I don’t want to miss out on that because of my own fear and pathetic vanity. Thank you all for sharing your stories.
It’s really great that there are people, accompanied alongside their blogs (haha), to discuss their battle with anxiety and depression. Because in real life, person to person, it’s rare that you’ll ever hear of this.
But for those of you suffering from anxiety and depression, it’s important to keep in mind that you’re not a weirdo and in fact, it’s quite human. And to accept that part of you is even better.
yes, yes, and yes.
i say i’m a second-year medical student, and i am, but i’m not in medical school right now. after struggling to get through last year, a month into this fall’s semester i finally acknowledged, after a minorly traumatic life event, that my “coping” mechanisms for depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder weren’t coping. (interestingly, it was the convergence of my Life Trauma — which itself may have been partially caused by these issues — with starting the psych/behavioral med unit of our studies that convinced me i needed to take time to get healthy now — where we to look at me as a patient, that is what we’d advise, and what kind of doctor am i to not practice what i preach?) i’d been dealing with these things for a decade, and even some people very close to me — parents, long-time friends — didn’t know the extent.
everyone around you wants to see you succeed…and that includes your school. i’m on a medical leave of absence and will pick up med school again next fall. my school has been fully supportive in allowing me to do what is best for my health and myself. one of my Best Decisions Ever.
thank you for talking about this, and for providing a forum for others to share experiences and solidarity. it’s hard to take that first step toward healing, it takes courage, and to all those wavering, wishing they had the conviction to take that step — you have my love and my blessing, and i’m right here with you.
Brava AP. Yet another post that reminds me why yours is my favorite blog to read.
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There seems to be a pattern that all of us who deal with depression/anxiety or whatever other psych problems just keep trying to tough it out or downplay it, even though it makes us miserable.
I’ve been doing it for over a decade. I have now acknowledged the fact that I really need to see someone about it, but I keep putting other things first. “After I finish this, that or the other thing, I’ll start…” Procrastination at its best.
I think it’s time to get serious and really take that step. Thank you for all the encouragement and the experiences you guys have shared. Keep it up! 🙂
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Thank you so much for your post. It’s wonderful seeing that anxiety/depression/etc is commonplace, even amongst the high-achieving, and not something to be ashamed of. My problem is that I’m not sure if I have an anxiety/depression problem… and I’m too scared to truthfully ask about it because I’m afraid that the answer will be “no, you’re normal” and I’m just lazy/introverted/bad at dealing with stress. I’m generally a very cheerful person who enjoys hanging out with friends. In college I didn’t make very many friends/hang out with them often because I was “too lazy” to leave my room, and wasn’t sure that the trek to campus/their apartment would be worth it while I was so comfortable in my bed at home. Additionally, I struggle with procrastination, and immense panic and anxiety the closer it gets to the due date. Does this count? : /
Thank you for writing this, really.
I really want to ask something -hope you could answer them
I’m been suffering from social anxiety since childhood, that much is obvious, but now that I’m med school year 1 and prqctically friendless I feel like I’m cracking under the combined academic and social-anxiety pressure 😦
It’s killing me in PBL discussions too.
I’m thinking about therapy, but I’m really afraid of the effects a diagnosis might have on my career prospects… Am I obliged to disclose it even?? Doesn’t help that my aspired specialty is Psychiatry, and needless to say havin your potential collegue / boss / interviewer treat your mental illness doesn’t sound so peachy to me :[
Please help, I don’t know who else to ask…
You are not obligated to disclose past or current diagnoses of depression or anxiety – please don’t worry about that! What many people confuse this with is licensing laws in some states that require you to disclose “any diagnosis that could impact your ability to practice medicine” – which usually refers to addiction treatment (esp. in anesthesiologists), blindness, etc. (Actually, really just addiction. But you could conceivably point at very specific OTHER instances such as a surgeon who is slowly going blind and say “they should have disclosed it on the licensing application”. But not anxiety or depression – that’s well near 1/2 the population of physicians…) Definitely reach out to someone – it’ll be the best decision you can make. 🙂
Thank you so much!!! 😀
You have no idea how much this comment (and your post) helps – it’s been a tough week :’)
A post-exams trip to the psychiatrist it is then -I’m tired of living in fear.
Again, thank you 🙂
You should seek help for your social anxiety regardless, but if you want to know there is a handful of state medical licensing boards who Do NOT ask about your mental health history…and a few only ask about addiction history but not mental health… I don’t know all the states, but New York, CT, Hawaii are among them… There’s probably about 10… Anyway, this is quite a touchy issue from Constitutional perspective ( Americans with Disabilities Act), which affirms protection to individuals with disabilities, psych issues included, but some medical boards that kept questions regarding mental health history justify it by arguing for ” protecting the public”… Anyway, in any state, I would assume you could get license and practice so long as your condition does not impair your ability to practice safely… All the best!
Thanks LoLo 🙂
I found out that luckily I don’t have to disclose it in my place (Hong Kong), and apparently I’m not the first med student my psychiatrist got 😛
Turns out I really failed PBL (group discussions part) though 😦 Thank God I still get to advance to year 2 because my written scores made up for them, but it still rattled me badly. I guess it just proved that yes, seeking treatment is the right choice (or even, not much of a choice). My doc said that actually if I get deferred because of that he can also get the boards to make “allowances” seeing as I have SA, but truth be told, I’ll rather take 2 months of remedial classes that get that on my record. (after the small fortune I spent to find a private psychiatrist instead of using my schools’) Luckily it didn’t come to that ^^;
Dear author and readers,
I just finished reading this piece and some of the comments and my heart goes out to all medical students struggling with a mental illness (or anyone struggling with such an illness for that matter). I think this topic is a big issue that does not get enough attention, or perhaps the wrong type of attention. I am currently working on a research project investigating medical students with mental illnesses: what resources are available to them? what can medical schools do to identify and help these students? What implications does this have on the students’ lives, on their professional performance, ethical considerations? et cetera. These mental conditions surely could affect one’s performance, and in his/her future career, this could put patients at greater risk. That said, mental illness is more prevalent in medical students and physicians. Physicians are no more immure to mental illness than anyone else, so it would seem unfair, and in violation of ADA, to discriminate against these students in any way (especially since many are undiagnosed until later in their education).
I wondered if any of you would be willing to help me with my research. Perhaps you or someone you know has had a mental illness while in medical school and would be open to an anonymous interview? If so, or if you have anything else to share, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Any help would be greatly appreciated, and of course, everything would be kept completely anonymous.
Thank you for posting this piece and getting people talking about these issues. Together we can support each other and bring the “right” type of attention to this issue.
Eric J. Keller
Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
I am a medical student with panic disorder as well. I visited a psychiatrist of my school hospital last week and then started using Lexapro. The first few days were hard. I got panic a lot but I wasn’t sure it’s because the initial anxiety of SSRI or it’s because I just made myself panic about the adverse effect which didn’t actually happen. I think it’s the latter though, but I just can’t calm myself down.
After reading your post, I feel more relieved. Now I know that things will eventually get better, and there is still a bright future ahead.
Thanks again !!
I think this is a really great post. Though, anxiety is a disorder that’s taken better by people in the medical community. Did you have any troubles in undergrad that put a blemish on your record related to your anxiety? I’m a pre-med myself and anxiety isn’t my main problem, but bipolar I (which my current psychiatrist is a bit skeptical about). And it did make my first year of college stressful. My first semester I got one A- and all As, but with 14 credits. My second I got all A-s, but one C (yes, dreadful) and one A with 18. I don’t think I have bipolar disorder, and I think that the medication is causing problems for me. I’ve never had these problems before. But I won’t go on about it. I just feel alone in the sense that bipolar disorder is definitely something someone should NOT put on his/her application, even if a blemish is a result of that, because of the possibility of him/her becoming “unstable” again. I’m sure there are other people out there with this particular problem, but they’re hard to find because of that strong stigma, even within the medical field. It just worries me. What if I keep going downhill (anxiety, here)? What if this part of my college life prevents me from going to medical school and pursuing my dreams of a MD/PhD program? It just scares me like nothing else to think that an improper diagnosis could potentially ruin my life. I feel like there’s a possibility of me using this in a PS… Saying that misdiagnosis that caused such a disturbance in my life gave me more certainty that I wanted to be a physician scientist so that I can help advance psychiatric treatment so that others don’t have the same experience I had. I don’t know, though. Sigh.
Hello.thanks for your post.i m second year med student.i have been suffering from this scince i started my course.before that i had never experienced such a horrible situation in my life.i had gone through all the medical test and everything is normal.later on doctor diagnosed it as anxiety disrder.i m undergoing medication.i cannot control my thought process.i suppose every part of body is paining and i have felt more than 3 panic attacks in a day.i cant control myself.what to do wid this .plzz anyone help me????
Hi Sanjog kandel,
It’s probably what we all feel -this is a constant uphill struggle, and also one that we dare not tell anyone.
It’s very good that you’re sensible and sought help, instead of waiting for failures to crop up all over the place like me! 🙂
Meds are kinda a trial and error thing, and as it seems that you’re talking about Panic disorder, you are probably prescribed stuff like Xanax (Alprazolam), you will probably be able to tell whether this is type / dosage of meds fits your situation or not quite quickly.
In the short term, medication is really the best and most effective solution you can get, but used for weeks can lead to dependence, so use them sparingly 🙂
I really think that meds are awesome as they at least get you back in control of your life enough to prevent collateral damage as well as let you hang in there until you have time to call in more long term solutions.
Remember, you’re not along in this battle!!
I have panic disorder and have been having anxiety about applying to medical school. Part of me is afraid to apply because I have fear of having even more anxiety as a medical student. This made me really hopeful- thank you!
Jess, you’ll be fine. 🙂 I’ve met so many med students with anxiety it’s almost impossible to find “normal” “well-adjusted” ones. Apply, and godspeed.
Thank you so much for writing on this topic! I am currently a third year med with OCD, an eating disorder, and depressive symptoms. Med school is tough, but the mental health issues exacerbate it. I really have neglected my health since starting clerkship, and it has interfered with my performance. So, I am going to see my psychiatrist today and hopefully we’ll come up with a plan for moving forward!
When people such as yourself write on a topic like this, it gives so many of us hope that we can manage and recover successfully from our mental illnesses. Also, that there is no shame. Thanks again!
Thank you so much for this article. I struggled with anxiety and it’s neighbour depression during my undergraduate degree, and after two months of medical school these friends of mine have reared their ugly heads. I’ve seen a counsellor and have sought out a psychiatrist. Sometimes I wonder whether it’s worth it to stay in medical school, but I can’t make that decision now. I’m not in the right headspace
It was amazing to find and read this article, since this subject doesn’t come out of my head. I know being a doctor is what I want, it’s my dream, but since I got in med school I’ve been wondering if I should actually be here, due to my social anxiety thing.
Thank you so much for this. It gave a little more strenght to keep going. I know one day I’ll be alright, no matter how hard it is being right now.
Thank you for this post. I too am a medical student. After numerous academic failures I discovered that I had suffered from undiagnosed depression and anxiety after everything came to a crashing halt with a panic attack during an exam. I was allowed to return to school but relapsed and failed to have the insight to take a LOA before I failed again. This time I am being required to withdraw for academic and school policy reasons. Not sure what to do. Everyone tells me to get my health straight first. While that is true, depression and anxiety will never go away and I’m told that medical school is not the right environment for me. Everything about what is going on just feels “wrong.” particularly since I never struggled psychiatrically or academically until now! I just don’t want my dream taken away from me because of this….
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Reblogged this on Memoirs of a Tongan-American Woman.
So I have OCD and accidentally told some other med students that I considered friends, they ended up spreading rumors much worse and now I have to go through a lot of discrimination, I think the rumor has spread through the school and now everyone looks at me like I am some evil thing, they are a##holes to me indirectly. There are people in this world that don’t know how to mind their own damn business, they find a sort of satisfaction in seeing others go down. A lot of the people in the medical field are outright psychopaths.
A message to strangers, friends: U are in a room full of snakes, too busy trying to catch the fruit fly on the table.