Welcome! Good morning! Take your seats!
I’m so glad you could all be here for this mandatory meeting. Now, you may have heard some rumors about 3rd year – rumors that it’s filled with soul-crushing paperwork, vague directions, and a surgeon who has driven at least 2 students to suicide. We hope to set the record straight that those rumors are all absolutely true.
… Just kidding! Haha, jeez, lighten up everyone. No, those bodies were in too many pieces to be legally identified.
Let’s get right to it: How to schedule your rotations. It’s a simple process, really:
While we don’t have time to go through it in detail, if you’d like a closer look, this chart is on our website.
Oh, the young woman in the back – a question? Yes?
… Where on the website? It’s not, uh… well, I’m not quite.. Hmm.
Okay, look, it’s not there right this instant, per se. The IT guys are redesigning the site because “it’s impossible to navigate”, and I guess we’ll get it back online when they’re done? It should be soon, though – maybe a few weeks. One year, tops.
Still, I want to let you know that my entire office is here for you during the transition period. I know it’s difficult to schedule your life and med school at the same time.
So if you’re planning on having an important family event – such as a graduation, marriage, or tragic death – just give me a call! I can easily sit down with you and discuss how best to schedule this event so that it coincides with your vacation week.
But most importantly, remember:
Meeting dismissed.
Action Potential 
We had the same meeting today. They should have just left a tape recorder in the lecture hall. “We’ll look into that and get some answers to you. Things are changing a lot this year.”
Super.
ha! haha! hahaha! … =/
SO TRUE.
They should use that chart as part of the prompt for the personal statement: “So, knowing your life will look, feel, and be worse than this unreadable flow chart pictured left, why do you still want to subject yourself to the horrors of med-student-dom?”
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Totally classic.
My advice would be to set the bar really low as far as expectations that you will be able to do anything else (weddings, graduations, funerals, etc.) with both yourself and friends/family. That way you won’t be letting them down as much when you (inevitably) have to say no sometimes.
As a side note, isn’t it annoying when they recommend meditation as a way to relax? No more than 5 minutes of it of course. It’s such a bunch of bullshit.
You’re actually going to be fine. The worst part about these meetings is being around your stressed out classmates. When you get to the actual wards, they will be spread out everywhere, and you will have only your OWN anxiety to contend with.