5 Totally Out-of-Context Quotes from Internet Health Articles

Sometimes you just need to drift around on the waves of the internet like a sad, capsized boat, you know?  Mostly when you get tired of checking your e-mail, but still don’t want to do real work.  

So I’m going to find random internet articles and quote them. Maybe we’ll learn something from this!  (Spoiler alert: probably only that I should go back to writing real blog posts.)

1. Lifescript: “Dear Pharmacist, I have high blood pressure and heart disease. Do you have any recommendations?” Well, I bet the Q&A pharmacist needs a little more info, but she’d probably suggest starting with a – oh, wait.

Hmm. The pharmacist’s answer is “lingonberries”, which she suggests you can find at “IKEA”.

… I have to admit, I didn’t see that coming.

2.  Lifescript: “Nothing’s more comforting than being at the same hospital where your baby is treated and knowing that you won’t need an airlift to an unfamiliar facility for more than $20,000.” 

… oh. Okay. Well, I was going to suggest “…than a strong cup of tea”, but their answer sounds.. a little better, yeah.

3. WebMD: “Drinking cranberry juice or taking cranberry pills isn’t cheap. The cost can add up to $1,400 a year for cranberry juice and $624 a year for pills.” 

… What?  People may complain about physicians being overpaid, but it’s apparently the WebMD writers who can afford The Most Expensive Cranberry Juice In The World.

For $116 a month, it'd damned well better be fortified with blood diamonds.

Anyway, I’m sorry – this article is supposed to be about how to prevent UTIs.  Let’s hear what else it has to say!

“… the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada does suggest that women who often get UTIs drink pure cranberry-lingonberry juice to reduce their risk.”

… Well, that was unexpected.  There’s peer-reviewed research and everything.  I take back my previous skepticism!  Lesson learned:  When in doubt, lingonberries.  It’s the new “C”, “All of the above”, and “steroids”.

4.  Chicago Tribune:  “More than a quarter of pediatricians thought that rubbing alcohol was not absorbed by a baby’s skin (it is), and 33 percent thought that wounds heal more quickly when exposed to air. (They don’t.)”

"3 percent said that babies younger than six months can be given honey."

5.  Baseline of Health Foundation:  “Sadly, for all our education and massive expenditures, modern medicine has failed miserably. You may wonder why.”

I do not. It’s because 3% of pediatricians are crazy and the rest of them aren’t prescribing enough lingonberries.