There are 8 easy steps to getting financial aid for med school.
And because those 8 easy steps are forbidden by the laws of most nations and at least two major religions, I am instead offering you these 8 really sucky ones. Because that’s the kind of reliable blogger I am.
1. Print out all necessary forms and tax info, grab pen, sit down purposefully at desk.
Yes, your college financial aid was always filled out by your parents – but now that you’re in med school, you are going to fill out these forms yourself. Because you are an adult. An adult who knows exactly what your – let’s see here – “parent’s J509b form categorization” is.
2. …Call Parent
You: Hey, can you, um… tell me what your J509b form categorization is? Also the original and adjusted-current worth of your car, house, all savings accounts, major electronics, and SSN?
After several incredulous phone conversations (“I thought graduate schools weren’t allowed to require our info for financial aid.” “Right. They don’t require it as long as you don’t need the financial aid.”) they will end up filling out almost all the forms themselves.
3. And now you can fill out the rest of the forms
Like an adult! An adult who knows things like your “total income from part-time employment”! And the total amount of Stafford loans you’ve taken out over the… past 4 years…
… Hmm. Okay, but you can still be an adult who knows things like “where you put the tax info from your last job” and “what your FAFSA account and PIN number are”.
4. Repeat Step 2 with “former employer” and “US Department of Education”
5. Submit all seventy pages of it. Be proud of yourself.
You did it! Like.. okay, not like an adult at all. That’s okay. Whatever. It’s over.
6. Receive financial aid award letter
YES! … Wait a minute. That.. can’t be right.
7. Inform parents what your school thinks their “Expected Family Contribution” should be
Mom: Ahaahahahaha, this is hilarious.
You: It’s not a joke. After considering your assets and salaries, my school thinks you’ve put aside this much money for m-
Mom: HAHAHA, wait until I tell your dad.
Dad: Tell me what, dear?
Mom: Look! The med school – hahaha – thinks we can -hahaha – pay -haha, oh I can’t breathe..
You: Please stop laughing.
Dad: Ahaha, I’ll stop laughing as soon as it stops being funny. Hey, check out this line – they think you have an “expected individual contribution”!
Mom: Oh, that’s adorable. Look at all those zeros!
You: *abject horror*
8. Inform school that you would like to take out additional federal loans. Repeat steps 1-7.