College Courses That Will Prepare You For Med School

ETOH766 – Advanced Techniques in Binge Drinking:  Students undertaking this tutorial section should be prepared to decrease their binge drinking from “every weekend” to “after every major med school test”. Please note that this is a graduate-level course, and thus the intensity of drinking will be greater than at the undergraduate level. Appropriate dress required.

BUS115 – Introduction to E-mail:  “Reply-all” and how it is rarely your friend.  Required for all students.

BUS427- Advanced E-mail Etiquette:  A discussion examining the ethics of BCC’ing, the politics of quick replies, and the point at which a lengthy email signature goes from “informative” to “douchetastic”. Final grading will be determined by attendance and one 40 page essay on the merits of various e-mail sign-offs.

FASH109 – Survey of Professional Dress:  This is the “pre-health” version of the upper-level “Principles of Professional Dress”. Topics covered will only include basic color coordination and evaluating the “attractive” vs “professional” balance of various ruffled blouses. (Due to limited time, the topic of “how to come up with the $300 to build a post-college wardrobe” will no longer be covered.) It is suggested that FASH207 – Introduction to Ironing be taken concurrently.

CHEM527 – Chemistry of Caffeine (Lab):  During the first quarter of the course, students will be expected to investigate kinetics of caffeine metabolism via oral administration. In the second quarter students will continue on to the study of calibrating levels of caffeine dependence to personal metabolism and study schedule.

LANG407 – Latin I & II:  This course sequence will prepare students for scientific terminology that wilhahahaha just kidding. Listen, I’m no expert – I just write the course catalog – but spending $2000 and untold hours of your life on a dead language, just to maybe recognize some prefixes of medical words later is like using a jackhammer to pop a zit.  I mean, hey, if your goal is to legitimately read Aegil – well, more power to you – but otherwise you’ll be better off spending 30 minutes with a pamphlet on medical terminology. True facts. (Prerequisite: LANG405 or permission of instructor.)

3 thoughts on “College Courses That Will Prepare You For Med School

  1. BUS115 – Introduction to E-mail
    At work I have 2 e-mail accounts that can see anywhere from 20 to 100+ e-mails a day that require action. You have no idea how concise and succinctness are big time savers. My response to this blog post would be on the long side of an e-mail. Anything is fluffiness.

  2. I have the crib notes for BUS427:

    – BCC is never cool
    – If you’re writing from a smartphone AND the short response adequately answers the inquiry
    – You cross the line when you list your undergrad degree AND/OR an inspirational quote

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