And it’s not because I don’t know how it works. After all, it’s conveniently slash suspiciously in the same format as Facebook. (Wait: Boyfriend is informing me that no, Google+ had the New Facebook design first, and then Facebook copied it – but dude can’t provide a source, so.)
It’s more like, “Wait, what’s this for? Why is it any better than Facebook? What, exactly, is my goal here?”
Everyone tells me I can use the “circles” to post different updates to different groups of friends, unlike Facebook. Which… okay, true – but do we really want that? I know we think we do, but seriously: the entire point of social networking is to creep on what your friends are posting to people who aren’t you. Otherwise it’d just be called “e-mail”.
So since Google isn’t including Facebook’s clever “no privacy” feature, I have to assume Google Plus will just collapse under the weight of its own eminently practical segregation, becoming the most disgustingly professional thing this side of LinkedIn.
… Okay, I’m sorry, that was harsh. (Seriously, I apologize. It probably won’t be quite that professional.)
Look, full disclosure: Even though it’s super uncool to dislike Google+, I have a vested interest in making sure it doesn’t take off. My google reader account – which holds 2 years of saved articles and gets checked hourly – just happens to be linked to a psuedonymous gmail that can be traced back to this blog, SDN, and for all I know, my high-school livejournal.
So if Google+ gets any staying power, I would have to be constantly switching google accounts for the rest of my life. And manually adding each of my facebook friends, since I have no “google friends” list. I don’t believe it’s hyperbolic to say the inconvenience would most likely kill me.*
But for the sake of my boyfriend – who happens to be reading this, and has a level of devotion to Google products that’s usually reserved only for major world religions and your more popular NFL teams – I’ll concede that there may yet be some good in it. For example:
1. The cheerful possibility of some really horrifying screen-caps. Because people will be including the wrong circles on their most private posts. It’s like how you only accidentally hit “reply-all” for the worst possible personal messages, or drop coffee cups only when they’re full: as terrible as it is… it’s kind of funny.
(Related: Don’t include the wrong circles on your private posts.)
2. Categorizing your friends into “circles” is damned satisfying.
But all of that is overshadowed by the realization that other people are also putting us in these categories. And inevitably, we’ll someday borrow a friend’s laptop and see Google+ on the screen and realize we’re in their “Eh, These People Are Okay, I Guess” circle, which will suck.
Right, guys? Right? So, moral of the story: we should all abandon ship and swim back to Facebook as quickly as possible.
… No? No one?
Dammit, guys. You’re killing me. So.. okay, I’m pretty much alone on this. Made my own bed. Time to lie in it. Etcetera.
Well, can’t blame me for trying.
* Boyfriend is now informing me that, no, that’s exactly what hyperbolic means.