Me: I mean, “cystosarcoma”? Even though it’s rarely cyst-y, and only a proper sarcoma 10% of the time?
Boyfriend: True. But they actually changed the name to “phyllodes tumor” because of that problem.
Me: Okay, but that’s still a terrible name, because ‘phyllodes’ means ‘leaf’ and every tumor in pathology is supposed to look like a leaf.
Boyfriend: Well, hold up, that’s not true –
Me: *counting on fingers* Papillomas. Papillary tumors. Nests and cords. Everything that has ever been described as “finger-like” –
Boyfriend: Well, yeah, but this one’s different! Okay, look: Picture an elm leaf.
Me: Okay. … Wait, remind me what an elm leaf-
Boyfriend: And a white oak leaf. And – no, actually, just the white oak leaf, but picture the serrated edges of the elm leaf on it. So you basically mix them together.
Me: Err –
Boyfriend: In 3D.
Me: Now, wait a second –
Boyfriend: Or, wait – you know what’s even better? A maple leaf. No, wait! A silver maple leaf. A silver maple leaf really looks like a phyllodes tumor.
Me: … But I have to picture it in 3D, right? And know what a silver maple leaf looks like?
Boyfriend: Hey, wait! You know what’s more up your alley? I should’ve told you that a phyllodes tumor looks like an sp3 orbital! With little spikes all over it!
Me: Oh! Okay.. yeah! I can picture that…
Boyfriend: Except I guess that’s not a leaf. Damnit.
I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that I know more about hybridized orbitals than I do about trees, or that I still don’t think phyllodes tumors look like anything other than purple blobs.