I had my clerkship today, but the doctor I follow never showed up. So I was just sitting in the shared doctor offices awkwardly while important people milled past – no one even knew I was supposed to be there.
My first instinct was to just leave – it seemed like the smart thing to do as far as time-management goes – but then I remembered that I actually like seeing patients, so I found a Physician’s Assistant I vaguely knew, introduced myself again, and asked her if I could follow her for a few hours.
It was awesome. Lots of allergies and NSAID-related issues – both of which we covered in pharmacology already – so it was almost like I knew things. In fact, I’m pretty sure I now have exactly enough information on those two subjects to be dangerous: enough that I think I know things, but not enough to know exactly how much I don’t know yet.
You know, despite all of my complaining about early clinical experience, I really don’t mind the experience part of it. I guess I just mind the idea that we have to sit around and talk about it in small groups. (I think sharing your feelings is healthy – but doing it in a contrived small group session with a random selection of classmate awakens my inner rebellious teenage spirit. I have to literally remind myself not to be sullen about sitting there and talking about how to ask open-ended questions. Other people don’t have this problem, so I think I’m just a whiner.)
Anyway, I’m glad I stuck around. A friend told me that sticking around for an entire afternoon means I haven’t lost my cute 1st year optimism yet, so hey – good news! I may be all grouchy and cynical about “feelings” and “reflection” in small groups, but my idealism is apparently still alive.