I’m now halfway through my 3rd year, halfway through med school, and starting the 3rd year of this blog!
(God, time moves fast – I still remember sitting in my bare dorm room, anxiously writing about our M1 orientation.)
And it makes me think. I’ve kept various online blogs since I was in 7th grade – xanga, livejournal – even the requisite Hey-I’m-Backpacking-Through-Europe-and-Have-Poorly-Focused-Pictures-of-Trees travel blog.
And with all of those blogs – whenever I wrote an entry, I always used to look at the calendar side-bar and wonder what the entries over the next several years would be like. Med school wasn’t even remotely in the picture – I thought I’d be majoring in theater, or in the Peace Corps, or a journalist, or possibly living in a cardboard box.
I was always doing something that I couldn’t have predicted the year before (majoring in Swahili, moving my life across the country to volunteer with the Red Cross). So wondering about the future was exciting – sort of like imagining space travel. Everything was totally unknown.
But now that I’ve made it this far, I’m realizing that I don’t have very many of those surprises left. I’ve made my decision about what specialty I’m going into (it was a pretty easy choice!), so I know what I’m doing next year, and the year after that, and the year after that.
… And I’m not gonna lie – that’s a little scary. I’m not going to be in the Peace Corps. I’m not leaving the US for at least 7 years. I’m not going to take an art history class, or learn Spanish, or be in a musical.
… Even though I kind of still want to.
But I’m also not going to have to muddle my way through a hopeless ochem lab, or feel lost in a foreign country,.or take an essay test, or worry about being homeless. And when I start feeling all self-reflective and Quarter-Life-Crisis-y, I just think of this quote:
You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.
-Steven D. Woodhull
And I feel better.
Because my pediatric patients make me smile on a regular basis.
And when I remember that, I like where my life is heading.
I really do.